i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
