sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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