Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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