If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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