this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
