So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's like iHOP with fire
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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