Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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