He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
