i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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