sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
