I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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