You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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