i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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