I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
