I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
