i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
