Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
