haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
