i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
