Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
