I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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