i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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