um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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