Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
