Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize