I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just had sex on a roof
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
