Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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