Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
