Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
