I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
