One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
