Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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