What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
