I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize