Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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