be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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