I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
