New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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