He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
