Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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