i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
