Cold hands, warm shart.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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