pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
