I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
