Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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