So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
