Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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