If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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