he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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