according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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