I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
