Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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