Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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