marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think i have two assholes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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