We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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