Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
