so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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