I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
