do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
