We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
