God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
