All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
