I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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