the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What drink are we having for lunch?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
