i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
