And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
