the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize