I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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