I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You've changed since you got that strap on
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
