do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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